Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
