How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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