I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Shame - the story of my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize