I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
