dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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