It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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