I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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