Do you still have your period?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
