Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
