So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
