I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
