The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
