i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
