you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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