I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
