So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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