Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
