When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
