I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
