this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
