these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
