I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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