Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
