I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
