I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
