I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
