smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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