Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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