You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
