i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
