if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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