I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I want is dick and wine.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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