wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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