i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
