My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
