I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
