see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Boobs speak an international language.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
