some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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