did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
