I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
