Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
