saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
