She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
