i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
