We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
