You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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