He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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