i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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