i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
