Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
