so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
