dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
