Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
