My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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