PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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