oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
