Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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