susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
