Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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