My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Fuck appropriateness.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize