the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
