You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
