He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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