I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize