my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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