I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize