wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hippo gnu deer
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
