I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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