his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
