I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
